5 Ways I Created a Cranky Toddler

Let me start by saying that I don’t intend to beat myself up in this post. I know I’m a good mom and doing the best I can.. just like all of you. I also know that every kid is different, evidence is right there with my three, and playing the comparison game is a dangerous one.. especially with your own children. And that’s exactly why I think we have struggled with our second born monster angel.

We thought we did everything the same we had done with our first, who is a fairly easy toddler in my opinion. So why was our second acting out so much more and pushing our buttons, whining and crying 90% of the day? After doing some self-reflecting, reading and really LISTENING to my son, I identified the things my husband and I had been doing wrong for the past several months and decided to change some of our parenting behaviors in order to improve his overall mood. And it worked.. for the most part. He’s still emotional (aren’t we all?), struggles to communicate and has temper tantrums but he’s TWO! This too shall pass but in the meantime, here’s what I identified and have worked really hard to change:

We rewarded temper tantrums

Anything to make them stop crying, right?! Wrong. I admit, when I’m in public and my kids are throwing a fit, I typically reward them with lollipops, gummies.. all the bribery.. to make them STFU. So in essence, I am rewarding bad behavior. No wonder they are disasters. Now, I am not above the occasional bribe to hush them in a public place like church or the grocery store but honestly, this isn’t the answer 100% of the time. When we’re in the privacy of our own home, the fits don’t bother me as much but I was doing the same thing throughout the day to make them happy when I reached my breaking point. This had to stop because I was teaching my son(s) that if he cried, whined and had a complete meltdown, I would cave and give him a treat. And for the most part, he didn’t necessarily WANT a treat.. it was just a quick fix to make him stop crying before the next meltdown. What was he TRULY WANTING? My attention. Listen to me, Mom! Now, I am doing a better job at predicting the meltdowns and when they do occur, I stop what I’m doing, get on the floor with him, support him and tell him I understand he’s upset and try to redirect his sadness. It really is about the art of distraction. Case in point below:

I rushed through every day activities

We’re busy… places to go, people to see, errands to run, pick ups and drop offs to coordinate. I’m also extremely type A and hate to be late to anything. This can make for some pretty stressful mornings trying to get three kids ready and out the door. But what I found was that I wasn’t managing our time well in the morning and before I knew it, I was rushing the kids to get dressed, brush their teeth, eat breakfast, put their shoes on and into the car. There was no JOY in the little things and my son 100% picked up on this negative energy and soured his mood. Now, my husband and I tag-team our mornings and split the responsibilities. He gets them to eat their breakfast and then I get them ready for the day but instead of doing it 5 minutes before we have to leave, we make extra time for it. I let Cam pick out what he wants to wear (within reason lol) and we make it FUN instead of a chore. This one was huge.. it literally shifted all of our moods in a more positive direction. Granted, I am not successful 7 days a week but I am making a very conscious effort to slow down and enjoy the little moments.

There was no consistent routine

This is a work in progress because even though each day feels like groundhog’s day, our routine does change often. Ever since Cam was a little baby, he has had to go with the flow (much like Parker these days) because I was carting his older brother to and from school, play dates, activities, errands, whatever it may be. And not much has changed in that department… because sometimes he’s with a babysitter for a couple hours, sometimes he’s with me all day, sometimes he goes to a little school in downtown Seattle.. so his schedule is truly all over the place. Next year, he will be in a real school 4 days a week for a few hours so his routine will even out but in the meantime, I need to do a better job of preparing him for the day. Even though he can’t say much, he understands EVERYTHING. So now every day after breakfast, I talk to the boys about what they’re doing that day. Granted, Cam cries if I say a babysitter is coming BUT it’s better than completely blindsiding him when she walks in the door. I am able to calm him down before she gets there and the transition of leaving is much easier.

We spent very little quality time together

Being that Cam is the middle child, he has always had to share my attention. He has never had the advantage my oldest had where I spent quality time with him doing all of the important things we do as parents: reading, singing, teaching, exploring together. This is where I partially blame myself for the delays we have seen in our sweet Cammy. He didn’t walk until he was 19 months old. Was that because he was always in a stroller or carseat being carted from place to place? He’s not talking much. Is that because I haven’t read to him enough? I could beat myself up all day or I could chalk it up to the fact that he’s just a DIFFERENT kid than my first and he’s doing things at his OWN PACE and that’s ok. However, with that being stated, I have made it my mission to show him special one on one attention. Every Monday, his big brother goes to school and I spend the entire day with Cammy and Parker. P is easy.. he doesn’t require much and sleeps for hours at a time.. so to Cam, he is spending the day with his mommy and he gets my undivided attention. We go the park, have lunch and he gets to play with ALL of his brother’s cars while he’s at school. SCORE! I have also made a valiant effort to get off my phone and computer in the morning and just PLAY. And when my husband gets home from work, we get off our phones and enjoy time as a family.

I was quick to react when he would cry, which only escalated the situation

I am the first to admit that my patience wears pretty thin and I am easily set off. Enter a toddler who whines a majority of the day and I was losing my mind a couple times every hour. Not sustainable. Both my husband and I would find ourselves yelling at Cameron when he would break down and guess what that doesn’t do? ANYTHING. It doesn’t help him. It doesn’t help the situation. It only escalates it. Now, when a meltdown happens I take some very long, deep breaths and pause before I react. Yelling isn’t going to change anything here. I should probably practice this in all aspects of my life.. like when my husband and I have an argument.. but we’ll work on that 😉 For now, I am REALLY practicing this with my toddlers and pausing. This allows me to calm my nerves, get a clear head and diffuse.

Every day is a work in progress to keep my kids happy. There are going to be good days and bad days.. I am going to succeed and I am going to fail but at the end of the day, my kids know that I love them more than anything in the world. Even if I don’t give them that 3rd lollipop they’re crying for 😉

I hope this provides some perspective for my mama friends with young kids who test their patience on the daily. When all else fails, grab the wine ladies!

xx, H