“You make it look easy!” A statement I have heard more than once over the 8+ years as a mom. At this stage of life, yes, I do feel like a vet. My youngest is 4 and my oldest is 8 and most days, I’ve got this. And I take it as a compliment when someone tells me it looks like I always have it together. But we all know the truth, Instagram is a highlight reel and motherhood is a balancing act no one has mastered. The danger of the social media comparison game can be a slippery slope and I admit I find myself trapped in it at times. But I am here to tell you all the ways I do not have it together as a mom and that you, too, should show yourself some grace.
Balancing
Does anyone do this perfectly? Does anyone have the perfect marriage, robot children who do as they’re told, a flourishing career and hobbies that fill their cup? I don’t care if you’re celebrity or a billionaire, no one balances it perfectly all day every day. We see influencers on beautiful vacations, sneaking away date nights, polite children in their matching monograms, and perfectly blown out hair and makeup. We aren’t shown the meltdowns, the fights, or the tears even though that would make us feel better about our own lives. There are days that my kids are angels.. but do you think all three of them do as they’re told every single day? Get. Real. There are curse words to get out the effing door in the morning. There are threats to brush their teeth or else they’ll fall out… naturally. There are days I can’t sneak away to properly bathe myself because I wanted to squeeze in a workout before the school drop off rigamarole. I show up to pick up in sweats 99% of the time. And there are days that they drive me absolutely insane that I hide in my bedroom and let them sit on their iPads for longer than I care to admit. I struggle, I lose my patience, I doubt myself, and worry constantly. And for that, I am a very normal mom who doesn’t find it easy to balance it all.
Perfection
I am type A, borderline OCD to a fault and I strive for perfection in every aspect of my life. Unattainable perfection I might add. Obviously my kids aren’t perfect and neither am I. I do keep my home in pretty immaculate shape because that’s what fills my cup and makes me happy but obviously I have three boys who come through like tornados the second they get home from school. Speaking of school, I’ve had to have some really tough conversations with teachers over the past couple of years, namely when it comes to #2 and #3. #1 actually did come out pretty damn close to perfect and then #2 broke the mold. The number of calls and messages I’ve received from a couple of different teachers would prove in an instant how un-perfect my children can be lol. They are rambunctious boys who love to talk (Parker), be goofy (Cammy), and wrestle at recess (Jackson). The only thing I can do is support their teachers, talk to them at home, and pray to all that is holy that they respect authority while at school and come home without bumps, bruises, or a broken bone. Prayers up.
Mom Guilt
I got over this one a long time ago and I think that comes with age, experience, and number of children and the desperate need for a GD break but it doesn’t mean guilt doesn’t creep in every now and then, mostly when it comes with the decision to be a stay-at-home mom. I made a 6 figure salary not even 6 years ago when I gave up my career, a decision that was made jointly. Not for one second do I regret it (I miss the paycheck obviously) but sometimes I feel guilty that I don’t contribute financially to our lifestyle. I also sometimes feel guilty that my boys are in school 6 hours a day and perhaps I should be working during those hours. But guess what… then I snap back to reality and remember the countless, thankless, exhausting days and nights that I endured to reach this point and it doesn’t stop just because they’re in school. My husband also travels most weeks for work and I take on the responsibility of mom and dad. I have put in the time and WORK. 24/7 without a break, without a paycheck, without a second to myself. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve earned this time back and I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about it. And I feel extremely fortunate. I feel no guilt when I sneak away for a girls weekend with friends, when we do date night, when I get my nails done all by myself, when I need a massage from throwing baseballs every day after school. I don’t feel guilty. And neither should you for taking a minute, an hour, a weekend, a WEEK to yourself. Do you, mama. You’re a better mom for it.
All this to say, no one is perfect. No one has this thing called motherhood perfected. No one has the perfect life no matter what they show you on social media. I get in fights with my husband, I yell at my kids, I feel guilty about it, I hide in my room. Don’t you?! Please say, “Yes” so I don’t feel like a shitty parent. I know you said it 😉 So for that, thank you. Cheers to this exhausting yet rewarding job we call motherhood.
Xx, Heather
